Iron Man in Apparent 3D!

Yes, that’s right, I said “apparent 3D”. I hear you asking yourself: “Did he watch this movie in 3D?” And the answer is no. A resounding, childishly enthusiastic NO! Well, sort of…

I have seen exactly one “3D” movie in my entire life. It was one of the Transformers movies (I forget which one), and I found watching the movie in question in 3D to be a decidedly underwhelming experience. Part of the reason for this was probably that it was not the first of the Transformers movies, and it was, thus, a second-rate film. There was, however, another contributing factor to the low level of enjoyment I experienced while watching this movie: I got ripped off!

Like McCoy, I don’t like to pay to watch movies. Well, that’s not entirely true, I don’t mind paying to watch a movie, as long as I do not have to pay the full price—what am I, made of money!? Considering that I had paid full price and then some (an extra R20 or R30) to watch this movie “in 3D”, I was expecting great things. As I walked into the cinema I thought: “This is going to be great! This new technology is bound to greatly enhance my movie-going experience! People have told me that it seems like the animals/monsters/cars are really coming right at you and you’ll be ducking and diving for cover! By golly, I’m excited!”

I was expecting a fundamentally different movie experience, and I was thoroughly disappointed. What I had failed to grasp before watching that movie “in 3D” (i.e. three dimensions) was that every non-animated movie that I had ever watched prior to that was shot in three dimensions, and I therefore perceived the characters to be moving in a three-dimensional space. Thanks to the miracle of film (and the phenomena known as the depth of field and prespective) and my complex human brain, I had in fact watched these movies “in 3D”. Sure, the film executives probably didn’t see it that way, but I would argue strongly against them. Not once, in all my years of watching films, have I watched as a tiny out-of-focus car (in the background) approaches a large in-focus person (in the foreground) in the two dimensions of the screen and thought, “Oh no! That car is about to crash into that person!”

And therein lies the crux of my argument. I don’t need a silly pair of glasses and a film shot and projected “in 3D” in order to see that chain of events occurring in three dimensions. And I am therefore not willing to pay exorbitant amounts of money to get these things. In my opinion, the “3D” movie is a Hollywood gimic which has been devised to increase profits, without actually providing an enhanced experience for the movie-goer.

The only thing that is worse than paying a large amount of money to go and see a movie in 3D, is paying that amount of money to go and see a movie that you’ve already seen, in 3D! It annoys me that Hollywood directors are recycling plots left, right and centre, and expecting us to pay to see depictions of the same stories over again. What really grinds my gears is that they are now not even bothering to make new movies (and by this I mean at least doing an original take on what might be an old story), but simply digitally “enhancing” these movies and then re-releasing them “in 3D” and expecting us, the moviegoers, to pay more to see them than we did the first time! It’s ridiculous!

And that is why I did not see Iron Man 3 “in 3D”. To this day, I am happy that I made that decision, because I am of the opinion that my movie-going experience would not have been enhanced in any meaningful way had I gone for the “3D” option.

Also, I agree with McCoy—Iron Man 3 was most enjoyable. I got the sense that those who made the movie knew exactly what they were going for. They didn’t try too hard, and they put together an action-adventure film with some great characters, some great one-liners and plenty of big explosions.

Iron Man 3 - not bad, and that's good enough for me

I'm afraid that if you've started reading this review expecting something as well-thought out, erudite and historically-aware as some of the other posts on this Blog Fantastic, then you are going to be sorely disappointed.

In much the same way, if you start watching Iron Man 3 expecting it to be much more than lots of explosions, snappy one-liners and more explosions, then you are going to be... well, not sorely disappointed, because explosions and one-liners are AWESOME. But you won't get what you expected, if you weren't expecting explosions and jokes.

Perhaps not an earth-shattering conclusion, that, but I'm new at this movie reviewing malarkey. Once I've got a few under my belt I'm sure I'll develop a style or formula, much like Skyd has when they review products.

Rest assured, however, that I will not be asking whether any movies I review are a hat. Unless I'm pursuing some sort of elaborate metaphor.

So, Iron Man 3. Is it a bad movie, like Olympus Has Fallen? No, and not only because no one was stabbed in the brain. Iron Man 3 lacks Olympus' bevy of plot holes and stupidities (apart from the villain's motivation to destroy seeming to stem, primarily, from a dislike of the hero after a relatively minor slight way, way back in the past when the villain looked a lot uglier but RDJ was as attractive as ever).

Is it a good movie, then? Not really. There aren't any crazy twists in the plot, there are no profound messages or lessons to learn, and no characters so great, so incredible (on this blog, referred to as "Characters Fantastic"?) that you just have to know more about them.

Iron Man 3 is a superhero movie, with lots of references to other parts of the franchise; I'm sure there were many that I missed, and that people with a greater knowledge of Marvel's comics will be able to spend hours arguing over the consistencies of the various movies.

But while I enjoyed the feeling of a movie fitting in to a larger (and cohesive) whole, that's not really why I enjoyed Iron Man 3. I enjoyed it because it was fun. It didn't take itself too seriously (and try to have a profound message or lesson) so you could just relax and enjoy it. But it took itself seriously enough that it wasn't bad, and attempted to convince the viewer of nothing that a reasonable suspension of disbelief wouldn't allow.

Maybe that is the easy way out when making a movie: put in enough effort that it's not crap, but not so much that people will think you were trying hard, and therefore hold you to more stringent requirements. Maybe we should be asking more of the film industry as discerning consumers of their art (with AND without inverted commas).

But maybe that's good enough for me: to be able to go to the cinema, enjoy a movie and not feel like I got ripped off.

Abe Lincoln will be late

The Junction has been eagerly looking forward to the release of "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" (watch the trailer here). It's a movie which we expect to be ridiculous enough to justify paying money for, and we were planning to go and see it when it was released in theatres today (June 22).

But then Matt came home with sad news yesterday: the movie will only be released in SA in early August! There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth as we came to terms with this disappointment. Heydinger said, "I don't care," but we know he was just putting on a brave face so that I wouldn't be overcome with grief.

Luckily we'll be distracted by playing at WUGC2012 for most of July, so I'm sure the time will pass quickly. Before we know it we'll be sitting in the cinema with disgusting quantities of popcorn and fizzy drinks, watching a guy with an axerifle explode trees.

Speaking of the World Champ's, the player profiles are being released on our team blog, so you should go and look at our silly faces.

Also on the World's front, the schedule has been released. The Mambas are in a pool with the USA, Germany, Italy and Singapore. It's going to be amazing to play against Revolver (who won the USA Club Nationals last year) and Germany (who have just beaten a bunch of other top European national and club teams, apparently); and we can't help but feel that we have a good chance of giving Italy and Singapore a run for their money and ending up third in the pool.

Just over two weeks until the first pull at World's. SWEET.